Even though motherhood is my central role and what consumes most of my time, I don't write about it or share about it much on social media. This is because I fear boring people, alienating people or triggering people. But I felt like being honest today, so if you'd like to find out what's really going on read on (or you can scroll down past this bit to the bit that's highlighted in pink...recent news)
This week I write to you with a foggy head. My wonderful 2 year old has started to learn "oppositionalism". He wants whatever we aren't doing and doesn't want whatever we are doing. I took him to Singing Mamas and he said he wanted to be at Grandads House. I took him to Nana's house and he wanted to be at the New House. It was time to go back to the New house and he wanted to stay at Nana's house. I feel like a terrible mother carrying a screaming baby around with me.
Yesterday I got woken up at 5am by my little treasure and then he opposed me all morning. When it was time to leave he didn't want to do up the buckle on his pram. I gave up fighting him, and let Rob walk him to Grandads house without it on. I get a call 5 minutes later..."He's leaped out of the pram because he said we were going the 'wrong way' and he's grazed his knee" I rushed to the scene to find a very distressed little Bobby. I took over and walked him to Grandad's house where it took 30 minutes to settle him. The sound of his cries, and his teary eyes really shakes up a mother.
By the time I got back to my house it was 10am and I was absolutely frazzled. This was supposed to be time to work on my business but I was so tired that my face felt numb and I felt so agitated I could barely sit still.
Rather than get on with my work I did something very rebellious. I made a hot chocolate, got a bag of walnuts and sat on the sofa and rang my friend I've known for 25 years who has also recently become a mum. She listened to me and I felt a bit better. I stayed stuck on the sofa listening to Tara Brach talking about honesty until it was time to go and pick Bobby up. I had a very quick shower, in an attempt to blast myself awake and go.
Both my grandmothers had mental health problems. One of them was a mother of 3 and the other a mother of 4. They had to just "get on with it". The repercussions of their issues have played out in the behaviour of many different members of my family including issues with eating disorder, addiction and mental illness.
Yesterday I took a bold stand against all those things and I took care of myself, in a society that doesn't care about or value motherhood. I am a mother and I need care and I need rest. I believe that a society which values and cares for mothers, grows capable and kind children.
Some of my lovely email friends who read this are mums, some are not. All of you came from a mother. A mother who sacrificed her body and her time for you. Even if she was a terrible mother she still gave you this wonderful life. This is a little reminder today to take care of mothers to little ones, whether that's you or someone you know.
I'm very glad to have a little tool kit of things I can reach for when I am a tired and wired mother whose nervous system is on overdrive.
I'm reading a book about mothering by Rahima Baldwin Darcy at the moment and it says...
"It takes a tremendous amount of energy to mother a baby or young child. Three things that help to replenish this energy are; sleep, artistic activity and meditation"
I would argue that those 3 things are essential for all of us, not just mothers. But so many mothers are deprived of those things.
As a little attempt to share some uplifting tools...I've spent the last month designing and making a virtual retreat where you can meditate and sing with me. All the info here
I thought it would be a nice thing to share with you, and at the same time you get a sneak peek of my 3rd album.
Thanks for reading
LOVE ALWAYS WINS
Smocking - I've had my first few pupils take my smocking class "Hand sew a smock" on Skillshare. If you'd like to learn to hand sew from me, sign up for a free 30 day trial of Skillshare HERE
Rain Falls Retreat I'm really excited to be sending you an invite to the Rain Falls Digital Retreat. This is a FREE 3 day virtual retreat experience starting on Friday 22nd Septmeber.
Find out more HERE
In this retreat you will get a sneak peek of 3 songs on Album 3 and some time for rest and reflection. Together we will enjoy...
🧡 Gentle Guided Meditation
🎶 Vocal Warm Ups
👩👩👧 Listen and Learn the Songs in 3 part harmony
🌌 4D Listening Experience - Enjoy the songs in spatial audio, so it's like you are sat in circle with us
📖 Journalling Exercise - Take a moment to reflect on the themes of the song with a short journalling exercise
Before becoming a mum there was nothing I loved more than disappearing from day to day life and going away on a retreat for some rest and reflection time.
With my current responsibilities this is no longer possible but I need R+R so.... I started doing micro-retreats! Just 30 mins or an hour here and there to reset. I wanted to share this with my community so I designed this retreat for some R+R time for YOU
Hit Reply with any questions
Here's a picture of me experiencing the joys of motherhood. I'm happy to find Bobby loves swimming as much as me. These precious moments of happiness give me strength during the tough mothering days.